Numbness

I read something recently where an individual had attempted to describe the feeling of "numbness", the absence of feeling. Although it was well-written and very descriptive, it was hard for me to really feel it simply from reading the words of this author. I'm sure I had felt it before, but it's just one of those things where after it is over, you quickly forget about how it really felt; it's a that feeling just doesn't stay with you. Yet as I now reflect back over the last 24 hours, the words of this author have stuck in my mind, and I now remember what "numbness" is. I'm not planning on trying to describe this feeling to you, because just as I have come to discover, you can't understand the feeling through reading words from a blog or through hearing someone describe it, you have to feel it. And I don't want anyone to feel numbness, as it is perhaps one of the most terrible feelings in the world. Life is about feeling; its about love, hate, anger, pain, joy, happiness, fear. Yet numbness is the absence of these or any emotion; its as if your existence, your being, your soul, is no longer with you. It's the not knowing what to do, or say, or think, or feel because the one thing that guides these behaviors, our emotion, is not longer there. Words cannot do it justice; it's just indescribable.

My husband and I just found out last night that a dear friend from Chicago, was killed in a tragic accident this weekend. My heart goes out to her husband, her family, and her friends. Keep them in your prayers. I know that what I am feeling is insignificant compared to the hurt, anger, and loss that those closest to her are struggling with at this time. As I look at my husband and reflect on this short period that we have spent together, I am so thankful for the love we have shared and can't imagine what her husband must be going through. Death is a part of life, and it is something that all must deal with, but that doesn't make it easier, in fact, perhaps that is what makes it so hard to face. So as I sit and reflect on this weekend and dread the coming days, my prayer for her family, her friends, and for my husband, is that the sadness, loneliness, and hurt which they most surely feel at this time, is not replaced by "numbness" but that their pain is a reminder of the life that they have, and that they use every moment which is given to them for the glory of the one who gave it.